Mastering the Art of Kissing Neal Boulton's Bastard Life Sex Advice Column

Aside from making the sex hotter, osculation, the scientific term for kissing, is a powerful tool that 7,791 BastardLife readers told us, if done well, could help persuade them to have sex, fall deeper in love, and feel closer to their partners. "It's one of those obvious things," said Julia, a reader from Los Angeles, "but it's so obvious that I ended up overlooking the benefits of maintaining a good kissing life in my relationship, which led to a few of years of very little sex." A few reminders for those of us who have forgotten the art—and the power—of the common kiss:

Get Closer

73% of you told us that regular kissing in your relationship created and maintained a feeling of connectedness with your partner that was important early on, but also important over time, as it kept your sex life alive. Julie from Dallas told us, "I've been with my girlfriend for 11 years, and there were times in those years when we were not terribly romantic. After I spent a month fantasizing about having an extramarital summer romance, I reinstated the really hot make out sessions we used to have. I'd keep my lips super soft all day by keeping hydrated and moisturizing them a lot so they'd be sexy for her that night. I also brushed my teeth about an hour before I'd make my moves on her instead of right before—she doesn't like a toothpaste mouth and neither do I. Without fail, she reciprocated my advances and it always led to hot sex. Adding back the kissing not only saved our sex life, but I think it may have saved our relationship because I ended up feeling closer to her again."

Assert Yourself

81% of you agreed that assertiveness is attractive in a kisser. Brian from Seattle told us, "You can have the hottest body in town, but confidence is king to me. I want a guy who is committed to the kiss. Half-hearted kisses are a turn off. And the more he touches me and caresses me, the more physical contact we have, the more confident the kiss feels—and the more likely I'll consider having sex. If he's too shy I, and this is unfair I know, I tend to read it as a lack of confidence or interest."

Keep it Closed

41% of you said that kissing with a new partner was best as closed-mouth kissing at first, with 53% of women adding that minimal saliva exchange was preferred—especially for first kisses. Laura of San Francisco said, "Over time, kissing could work up to French kissing. The truth is, no matter how sure I am that I'm going to have sex with a guy, it really is just best to start slowly and evolve into more passionate things in bed—no matter what we're doing."

Go Longer

43% percent of the male respondents told us that passionate kissing during intercourse kept them harder and able to go longer. "I've been with my partner for about two years," David from Phoenix said. “While the sex is still hot, it can become routine at times. Recently, I discovered that the easiest way to keep me harder and able to go longer is by making out as passionately, as if it were our first time, while we’re fucking. Something about that sheer passion that ensues just gets me so hard and lustful; I can go much longer because I am losing myself in love making rather than trying not to cum too fast."

Have it Harder

61% of the female respondents said that intense kissing strengthened their orgasms. Sasha from Takoma Park told us, "The more oral we are, which always starts out with hot, intense, passionate kissing, the harder I cum. I think passion is contagious, and for me and my girlfriend, passionate kissing sets the stage for the intensity of the rest of the night."

Yes, a kiss is still a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh, and the fundamental things do still apply—as time goes by.—N.B.