Bastard Life is a
gay, bi, lesbian and
straight sex advice
column by
Neal Boulton.
Every week Neal
takes on a new topic
and solves a new
dilemma for Mark's List readers.
Have a sex & relationship question? Or an experience you want to share? NB@BastardLife.com
Short Link to the Neal Boulton's Bastard Life page on Mark's List:
http://goo.gl/PmvDp
To easily move the Neal Boulton Splash Page onto your phone or iPad for quick updates, shoot the QR Code on the left.
Then save the link in your favorites. Use
the short goo link above to Tweet, update
your Facebook profiles and spread the word!
Most recent update on this page:
Wednesday, June 27, 2012 10:39:23 AM
Aside from making
the sex hotter,
osculation, the
scientific term for
kissing, is a
powerful tool that
7,791 BastardLife
readers told us, if
done well, could
help persuade them
to have sex, fall
deeper in love, and
feel closer to their
partners.
Brian from Seattle
told us, "You can
have the hottest
body in town, but
confidence is king
to me. I want a guy
who is committed to
the kiss." If
you are out of
practice or looking
to spice up your sex
life, read about a
few tips on
Mastering
the Art of Kissing.
What's on Your
Playlist During Sex?
You might have once
had a favorite sex
record, or mixed
tape, but then came
the iPod, which got
us wondering: What's
your favorite
"play"list during
sex? A poll of 5,197
BastardLife readers
revealed some old
favorites—and new
naughty ideas.
"He’s not my boyfriend," Billy from Dallas said. "I've been his favorite friend with benefits for four years now.
When he booty calls me I know
what he wants, and nothing makes that better than some music with rough edges."
More about the songs
after the Jump,
What's on
Your Playlist During
Sex?
Got the Balls?
It’s no secret that
in the 1970s and
early 1980s gay and
bisexual men gave
bathhouse sex its
infamy—promiscuous,
anonymous and
delirious. But
fabulous? According
to a poll of 4,319
BastardLife readers,
57% of you told us
you had no objection
to visiting one for
sex.
George E. of Houston wrote in:
“There is nothing
dirty or back room
about it anymore. In
fact, the bathhouse
here is nicer and
cleaner and more
luxe than the
country club my
family belonged to
when I was growing
up.” More after the
Jump,
Got the
Balls?
Is He Marriage
Material?
You’re gay and proud
of the laws that
finally allow gays
to marry. Only thing
is, you hate the
idea of marriage.
Now What? Paul R.
from Houston, TX
asked: Am I a bad
gay? I’m proud that
we can now marry,
but I think
heterosexual couples
have proven beyond a
reasonable doubt
that marriage is a
waste of time—and
money (divorce).
Find out what Neal
Boulton has to say
after the Jump,
Is He
Marriage Material?
Open Relationships:
The New Gay Norm?
Dave from Tampa
asked: "My boyfriend and I see other guys from time to time on the side, even though we’ve been a happy couple for over five years. Does this mean we are having an open relationship or
are we just a normal gay couple?Judging
by an online poll of 4,312 BastardLife’s readers, one might think that
their relationship
is the new norm for
gay men. More after
the Jump,
Open
Relationships: The
New Gay Norm?
Seven Lies Every Guy Should Master
By Neal Boulton
Some men admit that
honesty is not
always the best
policy, especially
when it ruins the
relationships in
their lives. "I
never ask Michael
anything I don't
want the answer to.
It's just an
understanding we
have," Tom told me
after sharing that
he suspects his
husband is sleeping
with a man they had
a threesome with
about a month ago.
"But I just won't
ask, and if he does
tell me, I'll slap
him and ask, 'Why
didn't you just
lie?'" More after
the Jump,
Lies Men
Tell.
All Plugged Up
By Neal Boulton
"I
used a jump rope,"
New York native
Timothy D. told us.
"If you get a shiny
laminated wooden
handled one you'll
be in heaven when
you make out or 69
or do just about any
thing."
No,
Timothy is not
suggesting that you
skip rope like
school girls with
your man, he's
referring to a
growing trend of sex
in which each
partner is wearing
as large (because
with this particular
activity, size does
matter) an anal plug
as he can possible
handle. "The more
intensely your
prostate is pressed
upon and your rectum
is filled, the more
sensitive your lips,
tongue, nipples and
penis will be." More
after the jump,
Plugged.
Coming Out Party
You Ask, We
Advise
By Neal Boulton
In a poll of male
BastardLife readers
(men ages 25 - 42),
49 % told us they
never even bothered
to come out of the
closet. Seth, 37,
from Ft. Lauderdale
said, "I was nervous
as hell, but I just
showed up to my
sister's wedding
with my boyfriend
instead of the
girlfriend I'd been
lying about for
years. And when they
tossed out the
bouquet, I made damn
sure I caught it.
Later, and drunk, me
and Steve made out
all evening while
everyone danced the
night away. My
sister congratulated
me the next day."
More after the jump,
Coming Out.
Pump
Up Your Sexual Stamina
By Neal Boulton
Studies show that
the higher the
concentration of fat
in a man's body, the
lower his
testosterone level
the active agent of
his libido will be.
And a lower
testosterone level
leads to only one
thing: softer
erections....
More after the Jump,
Stamina
Take a
Position
You Ask,
We Advise
By Neal Boulton
In a poll of 5,359
male BastardLife
Readers, 47% said
you prefer to sit on
cock during
intercourse. Chris
from Miami said,
"It's just how I
like to start my
night of fucking
out: slippery with
lube, gliding down
on him and grinding
for awhile until I
explode...."
Continued after the
Jump,
Position
Spit Shine
You Ask, We Advise
By Neal Boulton
In a poll of 11,139 gay male BastardLife
readers 38% of you said you preferred spit over lube for
intercourse. "It's that moment just before I plunge into him, the
sound of me spitting in my hand, the wet sound of my slathering
my...Continued after the Jump,
Spit Shine
Body
Parts
You Ask,
We Advise
By Neal Boulton
Holding
strong. In
a poll of 4,351 male
BastardLife readers,
58% of you said it's
his buff arms and
that v-shaped set of
muscles along side
the abdomen that you
live for. A
remarkably small
number of you, 28%,
told us that...
Continued
after the Jump,
Body Parts
"How
To Be A Gay Porn
Star," by Mike
Donner
By Neal Boulton
Mike Donner is
the funny, always
full of energy
veteran and award
winning adult
director behind such
films as “Porn
Struck”, “A Current
Affair”, and “The
Porn Ultimatum”. He
has employed over
1200 adult film
workers including
actors, producers,
directors, and more.
In makes sense
then that, “How To
Be A Gay Porn Star”,
has come into being.
No pun intended.
In a poll of
5,319 BastardLife
readers 48% of you
said that you
preferred a foursome
to a threesome.
Richard from Tampa
said, "I like being
able to have one guy
to myself for awhile
but I don't want to
leave anyone out. In
a foursome, everyone
gets what they
want." "A foursome
insures you will
never go without
something hot going
on around all of the
parts of your body!" Continued
after the Jump,
Three or Four
Catch
Me If You Can
By Neal Boulton
Dirt,
Sand, Snow?
In a poll of 10,135
BastardLife readers,
71% of you said
you've had great sex
outdoors and you
planned on having it
there again. A
generous number of
you, 39%, said you
preferred being
outside precisely
because of the
charge you got from
getting caught...Continued
after the Jump,
Catch Me If You Can
Suck Science
By Neal Boulton
Suck it.
In a poll of 5,739
BastardLife readers,
41% of you said that
you prefer to
perform phalatio in
the 69 position.
Franklin from
Bakersfield, CA
tells us, "When I'm
with a guy, 69ing is
the first thing I
try to position my
self to do with him.
There's nothing more
amazing than us
sucking each other
off at the same
time, and cumming at
the same time, too."
29% of said you
liked to get on your
knees while he's
standing tall, right
in front of your
face. "When I jerk
off crouched down on
my knees and he's in
my mouth, I can't
help but...Continued
after the Jump,
Suck Science
Bedding
Contest
I
left my heart in San
Francisco
By Neal Boulton
We love sex, and
we also love
contests, so
BastardLife reached
out to five smokin’
hot readers from
around the country
to see who could bed
the highest number
of guys in the
shortest amount of
time using five
different methods:
the Internet, the
bar, the public
bathroom, the bath
house, and the glory
hole video arcade.
Find out where the
best cruising
is...Continued after
the Jump,
Bedding Contest
Male
Monogamy
Are you or
aren't you
By Neal Boulton
In a poll of
12,1971 male
BastardLife readers
73% of you said you
weren't monogamous.
"I don't get the
virtuousness of it.
I'm up front that
I'm not into it, and
I engage in safe
sex. Am I a bad
person for this?
Hardly. I'm a happy person
for this," Duane
from Memphis, TN
told us. 39% of you
told us you've gone
into your
relationships with
the intention of
being monogamous,
but cheated at some
point. Victor of
Seattle, WA said,
"I'm not proud of
it, but I'd rather
cheat on the side
very secretly than
negotiate the open
relationship thing.
Too much jealousy."
Continued after the
Jump,
Male Monogamy
Morning
Wood
Sex is
best when it is not
scheduled
By Neal Boulton
You like to
sleep in on the
weekends; he likes
to wake you up early
to have sex, and
you're over it. Now
what?
Q: My
partner wakes up
rock hard and
initiates sex with
me while I am still
deep asleep. I find
him extremely hot
and I live for what
we do in bed, but at
six o'clock in the
morning, not only do
I want to sleep
more, I can hardly
get it up. I'm a
night time lover.
How do I get him on
my schedule?
A: It is very common
in partnerships that
one of you is on a
different arousal
schedule than the
other. The trick
is... continued
after the Jump,
Morning Wood
"Are you kidding?"
Unique
Experience. In a poll of 11,319 BastardLife
readers, 47% of you
said you've
incorporated your
partner's feet into
your sexual regimen.
"When my boyfriend
and I are having
sex, usually he's on
his back and I'm
inside of him from
on top. That's when
I lift up his legs
and suck on his toes
just as both of us
are climaxing,"
Terrence from
Norwich told us.
Roxanne from New
York said, "I cup my
feet around my
husband's penis and
jerk him off
slowly." 27% of you
said you weren't
able to climax
"without...
continued after the
Jump
Foot
Fetishes
Armed
and Dangerous
At BastardLife,
we celebrate life,
liberty, and the
pursuit of sexual
happiness, which is
why I have a
reoccurring fantasy.
When I read letters
about your abusive
partners, or your
violent encounters,
I imagine the barrel
of the gun above
stuck inside the
mouth of your
perpetrator. And I
imagine jamming it
in there, deep
inside his mouth,
until he mumbles the
words, "I will never
do that again." Why
such a violent
fantasy? The
statistics on
intimate violence
are still way too
high in America. So
while you may not
have a gun, I do
recommend you get
armed and
dangerous—by knowing
more about the
threats around all
of us.-N.B.
Continued after the
Jump,
Dangerous
Relationships
Respect
Yourself
You're
tired of being a piece of furniture in his life; there to look at,
and there to make him look good. Now what?
Q: We met a year ago. He is without question an
older, rugged, and seriously handsome man. We fell in love fast, but
after he acquired me, the love seemed to stop, and it was one event
after another with me on his arm, there to make him look good. I'm
tired of just being a fancy piece of furniture in his life. I get
him to see the man he fell in love with and come back?—Jeffrey, New
York, NY
A: Sadly, some men acquire other men—usually attractive,
younger men—as sport to boost their ego and make themselves look
more virile without thinking about the impact their behavior has on
their partners. First, take a moment, a long moment, and be
honest... Continued after the Jump,
Respect Yourself
New Gay Frontier
You've
led a straight life, but more and more lately you find yourself
interested in being intimate with men. One in particular, too. Now
what?
Q: "I work on a cattle ranch in Montana where gay life is
surprisingly not looked down upon, but where there just isn't a lot
of it around. I have always been lucky with girls (there aren't many
of those either around where I live and work); but a man has
appeared in my life from one of the other ranches and it is obvious
that he is attracted to me. He's been cool about it, and discrete,
but I have found myself so attracted and curious about taking the
next step with him to the point of constant distraction. I just
don't know how to handle this—I have never been intimate with a man.
And does this mean I am gay?"
Read Neal's answer after the Jump,
New Gay Frontier
Gay
Monogamy
In a poll of
12,371
male BastardLife readers,
61% of you told us
that you had no
problem looking deep
into the eyes of
your men and
exclaiming your
love, or your
fidelity, despite
knowing you were
keeping your options
for other men open.
"I want the men I am
dating to feel
loved—like he is the
only one in the
room, in my bed, in
my life. I do see
others he doesn't
know about, but to
tell him would be
rude and hurtful.
And besides, what if
we do become
exclusive?"
37% of you told us
... continued after
the Jump,
Gay Monogamy
Secrets
Filthy Fitness Tips
I like it in the locker room. Jimmy from LA told us what a lot of
you have said, "I only like it filthy, and in the locker room. The
bathroom stall, the shower—anywhere as long as it's there." But many
more of you told us that while you found gym sex hot, it was no easy
task converting interest into action. But according to a few
BastardLife readers there are some techniques to making your raunchy
fantasy a reality.—N.B. Continue reading after the Jump,
Filthy Fitness
Tips
She's Nasty
No matter what your race, religion or sexual preference, Lisa
Lampanelli will make fun of you. The self-proclaimed Queen of Mean
burst onto the scene on the Comedy Central Roast of Pam Anderson in
2005. After joking on Courtney Love, Andy Dick, and of course, Pam,
she became someone everyone watched for. Lampanelli followed up with
more Comedy Central Roasts of William Shatner and Flavor Flav, an
appearance in “Larry the Cable Guy” with several comedy specials and
a book, “Chocolate Please: My Adventures in Food, Fat and Freaks.”
What's in your wad? In
a survey given to
7,391 male BastardLife readers
asking how they
would describe their
orgasm, 45% checked
off that it "felt
like a giant
pleasurable rush
charging through my
loins." Roughly 22%
marked the
description: "My
heart races, my
muscles clench, and
everything, my cock
and even my asshole,
rage with pleasure."
Nearly 32% of the
heterosexual men we
polled said their
orgasm alone wasn't
enough, "I like to
rub my anus, or
penetrate it with my
fingers, as well as
rub my nipples
because it makes the
sensation of my
orgasm even
stronger." A small
percentage of you
said, "Cumming is
like peeing, I do it
to relieve myself
then carry on with
my day."—C.D.
In a poll of 8,531
BastardLife readers
67% of you said you
preferred glory hole
sex in a video
arcade booth over
bathhouse sex. "The
baths always seem
like a great idea
when I'm about to
explode because I
can rent a room,
check out some porn,
shower, steam; but
in the end, the
tense cruising and
lack of action ain't
worth the 25 bucks,"
Mick from Siesta Key
told us. Sean from
Port Charlotte
added, "With a glory
hole in a video
arcade booth you can
suck and be sucked,
or more, for a buck
or two et Voila—your
rocks are off and
you're back on your
merry way." 21% of
you said the...
continue reading
after the Jump,
Glory Hole
Days
What His Latex Says About Him
Dude
DNA. No two men, or condoms, are the same. But everything from the
way he rises up, pulls it out, and rips it open with his teeth, to
the way he glides—or fumbles—it on will tell you all you need to
know about him.
Furry Friend.
In a poll of 9,371 BastardLife readers, 71% of you
said you hated him
totally...
You've
never had anal
intercourse but you
crave it quite
often. Now what?
Q: I associate
anal sex with being
gay or contracting
diseases; yet, I
often fantasize
about doing it. So
far, I never have. I
don't consider
myself gay—I have a
bisexual girlfriend
who is always
telling me I should
try it. I think I'm
ready. What advice
can you give a first
timer?
A: For most men,
whether they know it
or not, the anal
area is an important
erogenous zone
because of both the
dense concentration
of nerve endings
around the anal area
and the close
proximity of the
prostate glad to the
anal opening...
Continue reading
after the Jump,
Craving Anal
Intercourse
"I
used a jump rope,"
New York native
Timothy D. told us.
"If you get a shiny
laminated wooden
handled one you'll
be in heaven when
you make out or 69
or do just about any
thing." 
By Neal Boulton
By Neal Boulton
Unique
Experience. 
