Economic downturn has become a traveler’s opportunity for the once inaccessible and overpriced Miami scene. The glamorized Kardashian trannie trail, the hotel destruction path of bi curious Liho, the dining room drama of the unbeweavable Naomi Campbell and the spa sultriness of hot bottomed J. Lo are finally within reach of the average denizen as locales and establishments previously sanctioned for the rich and famous reach out to the masses. 

Miami is no stranger to fiscal upswings and downturns; however, the repercussions of Downtown Miami’s real estate boom and bust, the unprecedented credit crunch, and questionable development policies have left the Miami skyline and counterparts oversaturated with condos, hotel rooms, and businesses eager to lure in customers. 

The story begins in 2004 when South Florida took center stage in the global real estate boom. Investors and developers poured hundreds of billions into creating a new Miami – an improved playground for rich Latin Americans, hypermodern downtown skyscrapers, a revival of the north beach, and a pristine and polished South Beach that would make Mayor Giuliani proud. Institutions provided monopoly money for hotels to undergo billion-dollar restorations (The Fontainebleau), extreme transformations from condos to hotels (The Gansevoort), and delegated exclusive high-end designers to pick the bathroom amenities (The Viceroy). The fruits of these expenditures were unveiled throughout 2008 and 2009 to reveal a more evolved Miami - a refreshed and remixed landscape, showcasing masterpieces of internationally renowned architects and designers against the intoxicating, tropical backdrop that has always lured travelers to South Florida. The nice parts of Miami became nicer and even grew while encroaching chongas were kept at bay and pushed deeper into the suburbs.  

Unfortunately for businesses but fortunately for consumers, poor timing for this inauguration has endowed us with technologically savvy 5 star properties at Holiday Inn prices. More nightclubs are granting free entry and providing drink specials. High-end restaurants are less apt to cajole diners into wasteful bottles of Voss water.  Pack your bags for an affordable staycation at classic art deco gems and newer high-rise competitors, brunch on the bay, and rooftop drinks at the city’s most fashionable addresses! Below are current favorite places to live like a Miami pimp even in peak season! 

TIP: The super bargains are usually available in low season from July to November, but deals can still be found in peak season. In 2009, prices dipped to the following rates during low season (before tax and/or resort fees): Mondrian South Beach $99, Catalina Beach Club $38, The Standard $169, Mandarin Oriental $199; Raleigh Hotel $199; Ritz Carlton Key Biscayne $229.  

TIP: Travelzoo.com is a great source for finding some of the best hotel deals. Click on “Florida” under the heading “Hotel Deals.” Opportunities change daily. If you are a fan of Priceline or Hotwire, you can decode your selection (and find out where you will be staying before you pay) at BetterBidding.com 

TIP: While rates are better than ever, hotels are eagerly trying to cover costs by charging exorbitant rates for valet parking and wireless internet. Typical South Beach and Downtown valet parking runs $35 + tips. Street parking is free between midnight and 9am. Public parking garages are $20 for a night or a lost ticket…. 

Staycation 2010 

Mondrian South Beach

When it came to developing South Beach’s newest trendsetter, the Morgans group gave free reign to designer Marcel Wanders to turn fantasy into reality. Wanders’ dollhouse wonderland, the Mondrian South Beach, tells the conceptual story of dredging the West Avenue dump from the sea after sinking, resurfacing through efforts of triumphant sea sirens and their horses, imprinting the sea’s style over the Dutch resurrection (like baroque seaweed patterns in elevators and guest rooms; chandeliers that resemble jelly fish; blue and white Dutch porcelain wall tiles with patterns of old school Miami). While the ubiquitous superhero sea siren paintings are somewhat creepy, overall the hotel is downright awesome. It is totally glam, avant-garde, pretentious, international, fun and bitchy; and the pool scene is right out of Ibiza. 1100 West Avenue, (305) 514-1500, mondrian-miami.com. 

Epic Hotel

Now that  people stop have stopped dying of Legionnaire’s Disease, my downtown favorite, The Epic Hotel, has re-opened with some outrageous deals (note: they were giving rooms away at $99 before this scandal). The voluptuous Epic graces the first block of Brickell Avenue, jetting 54 stories at the crossroads of the Miami River and Biscayne Bay. Like other Kimpton hotels, the clientele is generally hip, young, and super gay friendly. The first 28 stories of the glass tower define this boutique hotel cum high-rise, boasting 411 guestrooms and suites all with private balconies (and balcony furniture). The interiors are well manicured and well blended with neutral colors and shades of brown. The 16th floor pool area is a fabulous 15,000 square foot chill-out zone and social scene, with two infinity pools, designer lounge furniture, and a free wine hour 5-6pm! Throw in free internet, an acclaimed restaurant (Area 31), a trendy club (River Lounge), amazing service levels (very hard to come by in Miami), and oversized bathrooms (fit for a queen), this is the most cost effective, high-end staycation in Miami. 270 Biscayne Blvd. Way, (305) 424-5226, epichotel.com. 

The Catalina Hotel and Beach Club

If you want to be in the heart of the SoBe action but the recession has left you destitute, the Catalina puts you smack dab on Collins Avenue hotel row without going totally cucaracha. Some of the rooms look like a cheap Ikea showroom, others are in desperate need of refurbishment, but prices rarely hit $80, especially if you scour the net for promo codes.  The vibe is spring break meets winter music conference year round, catering to a very young and often inebriated crowd. The art deco lobby, the busy pool area, nightly happy hours (with free drinks), the eye candy, and a free airport shuttle make this a good value for the under 30 crowd. 1732-1756 Collins Avenue, (305) 674-1160, catalinahotel.com. 

Pamper and Detox 

The Spa @ Icon Brickell/Viceroy Hotel

A spa fairy tale come to life, Philippe Stark’s wellness masterpiece takes the spa experience to another dimension of fantasy and seduction. The white maze of indulgence climaxes in the glass paneled Victorian library towering over Key Biscayne, where floors transform into relaxation pools, furniture rises from the water, and the vanguard, oversized chandelier sways and mesmerizes patrons.  The quality of the spa treatments matches the grandeur of the architecture and infrastructure. Call to join their e-mail list, and receive fabulous offers for friends, family, and repeat customers, including the occasional 30% off and unbelievable promotions for affordable treatments. 485 Brickell Avenue, (305) 503-0369, viceroymiami.com/spa. 

The Spa @ Mandarin Oriental, Miami

This 5 star sanctuary made headlines four years ago when J. Lo revealed that she would fly into town exclusively for spa treatments at South Florida’s premiere spa. With breathtaking waterfront views and palatial amenities, the VIP treatment suites are an extraordinary experience even for global spa authorities. But the true secret to success is the dedication and prowess of the resident therapists and the signature treatments. The Spa has designed most of its own menu blending highlights of Thai, Balinese, Ayurvedic and Chinese methodologies. The therapists exude genuine delight in their art, channeling deep relaxation and mental invigoration through their work. My favorite stress reliever - the Herbal Thai Ritual - entails deep tissue penetration and tension relief using a hot compress of lemongrass, ginger, and peppermint. Promotions change monthly. 500 Brickell Key Drive, (305) 913 8332, mandarinoriental.com/miami/spa 

Eat Me 

A Fish Called Avalon

The only time you will ever see me on Ocean Drive between 5th and 10th is to indulge at this 20-year-old South Beach institution. Avalon is the only restaurant on this touristy patch of the Drive void of aggressive wannabe fashionistas attacking prospective patrons with menus, food props, or fishbowl drinking glasses. Funny enough, this has produced a hidden gem in the middle of tourist central! Mediterranean sophistication meets the low country through the creations of chef, Brian Cantrell. From the outstanding Bang Bang Shrimp to the Calamari Fritto Misto and the Citrus Soaked, Grilled Florida Spiny Lobster Tail (with a side of Corn-Asparagus Succotash), the tastes and the portions are robust. Be sure to try their signature Tres Leches, accompanied by rich and sweet with Dulce de Leche ice cream and espresso jellies. 700 Ocean Drive, (305) 532-1727, afishcalledavalon.com. 

Brunch @ Cioppino, The Ritz Carlton, Key Biscayne

This is the be all and end all of Sunday brunches for foodies, gourmets, lushes and lovers! Endless rounds of Prosecco and Bloody Marys wash down the ultimate gastronomic indulgence of the world’s premium delicacies (including French cheeses, Russian Caviar, Dim Sum, American classics, a raw bar, Stone crabs, and an entire room dedicated to 32 rotating desserts) while gazing at the serenity of palm fringed turquoise waters. The heaven on earth food orgy costs roughly the price of a good wine bottle at a standard restaurant ($72) and leaves a lasting memory (it was the best birthday present I received in 2009). 455 Grand Bay Drive, (305) 365-4500, ritzcarlton.com. 

Canyon Ranch Grill

This is Seasons 52 taken to the next level with finest sustainable organic foods and wines combined to produce beautifully presented succulent dishes, all low in fat, salt, and calories. Every dish is equally exceptional - from the Grilled Caesar Salad to the Grilled Calamari Salad with black garlic or the mouth watering Crab Cakes and Sea Bass. The guilt free organic ecstasy promotes healthy living and healthy eating, perfect for keeping on your 2010 New Year’s diet! 6801 Collins Avenue, (305) 514-7474, canyonranchmiamibeach.com 

Get Crunk

Rooftop Drinks @ Club 50, Viceroy and Plunge, Gansevoort South

Two of South Florida’s newest high-rises flaunt flawless backdrops for rooftop drinks creating that “I’m in Miami, bitch” feeling! My top pick: Signature cocktails at the classy Club 50 located on the 50th floor of the Viceroy Hotel, swapping time between both the inside and outside lounges, overlooking the city and Biscayne Bay. Alternatively, sip drinks on the rooftop of the Gansevoort South at Plunge, peering down 18 stories at the Atlantic Ocean and the hotties of Ocean Drive. Free entry at both. 485 Brickell Avenue, (305) 503-4400, viceroymiami.com; 2377 Collins Avenue, (305) 604-1000 gansevoortsouth.com 

Martini Tuesdays

The lobbies and bars of South Beach’s renowned art deco hotels are sights to behold. On Tuesday nights Edison Farrow hosts his Martini Tuesdays at rotating venues, which include the Victor Hotel, the Delano, the National, and the Setai. Crowds swell or shrink depending on the location of the week, but the aforementioned are some of the most popular (check out Martini Tuesdays for the current week’s venue). And there is always a drink special for $8.