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Focus on a Real Family
Take a Look Into the Lives of a
Same-Sex Family
Being able to adopt a child shouldn’t depend on the gender of
the parents. Jorge and Steven are a Denver couple proving that
same-sex couples can be fantastic parents. Many people have
common misconceptions about what it is like being gay parents,
but Jorge and Steven are here to give you a reality check.
Here’s what they had to say about their experience with their
toddler daughter, Lexi.
Can you explain how you came about adopting your
daughter?
Steven had worked with Ukraine to do an overseas adoption. After
almost three years and finally getting approved, the country
decided to stop adopting to single fathers and the case was
denied. Then I worked with a local San Diego attorney that made
big promises and finally was matched after about a year and I
had to support this woman for about six months. Then she bailed
two days before the baby was born. This was when I decided to
quit trying. Literally on my drive from
San Diego to
Denver, after the terrible ordeal, I got a
call from my step-sister letting me know that her daughter (20
years old at the time) was pregnant again and she wanted me to
have her baby. Everything worked out in the end and this is how
it’s supposed to be. We both got to help each other!
What has been the greatest challenge of being gay
parents?
Same challenges as a heterosexual couple. Juggling life, work,
and having someone around who’s well-being is actually more
important than your own. You really have to change your
priorities and plan for the future even more.
Has your daughter ever noticed that things are a little
different than other heterosexual families?
Not at all - still too early.
If you could destroy any myth about same-sex parents,
what would it be?
That gay parents produce gay children.
You both are obviously very busy running X Bar, so how
do you juggle the family side of your lives?
We have tons of help, friends, family and a full-time nanny. The
saying “it takes a village” really does apply. In our
perspective, it makes her more well rounded to be exposed to so
many different adults. We alternate nights at
X Bar and at home so one of us is almost
always with her. On Mondays and Thursdays we have family nights.
Do you guys educate your daughter about the difference
between gay and straight, or do you just let the questions come
from her organically?
It’s too early for us to start any serous conversations with her
yet. Most of what we talk about at bed time is whether or not
she’s hungry or has a poopie diaper. I think questions will come
organically though when it’s time. Television and books usually
portray a family having a mom and dad, and it’s the same for a
single parent having to tell a child that they only have one
parent - our child has two dads. Also, she is very close to her
cousins and they are well versed on gay versus straight. She
gets a lot of info from them.
What would you recommend to other gay couples looking to
adopt?
Be very patient and know that when it’s time it will happen!
There are lots of great organizations including
Project
Cuddle that will work with gay parents and it’s a cheap
alternative. Otherwise, make a very loud noise about wanting to
adopt and make sure everyone around you knows you want to adopt.
Specifically ask them if they know of anyone that might need to
find a home for their baby. Generally, people don’t think to ask
around or to make a match unless you ask them. Also, you really
need to be ready with your checkbook because there is no cheap
way to adopt or inseminate.
What would you like to see changed in the Colorado
government to better suit same-sex parents?
As far as I know gay couples still can’t adopt together in
Colorado, but the second parent can be added on later. It would
obviously make more sense to be able to do it simultaneously,
but the end result is still pretty progressive in my opinion.
What’s the funniest thing Lexi has ever said or done?
Most of the things that are so hilarious are also the things
that you have to say “you really had to be there” because it’s
just not as funny when you go to explain it. You don’t get to
see the cute way they do and/or say it. My personal fave is when
Lexi was about 15 months and she was saying a few words, but not
sentences yet and we were leaving a volleyball game. When we got
to the car she said, “Open the door” in the cutest way and after
a long laugh we made her keep saying it the entire way home with
different intonations and she would just keep on saying it….see,
you just had to be there.
What does Lexi want to be when she grows up?
Right now we’re guessing something musical, she loves to dance,
sing and listen to music. She can’t quite tell us what she wants
to do yet, so if we had to guess, right now it would be
musician.
Favorite Family Vacation Spot: Not a vacation,
but we all love to hang on our bed to watch TV for the final
half hour before she goes to bed and just cuddle.
Favorite Family Activity: Walks
Favorite Family Meal: Thai |
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Steven, Jorge and Lexi |
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